THE CREATIVES

DIRECTOR Joey Kirkman*

CHOREOGRAPHY Glenna Durbin

STAGE MANAGER Molly Crary

ASSISTANT STAGE MANAGER Morgan Kelly

COSTUME DESIGNER Ryan Frye

COSTUME CREW Zach Kobylarz

MAKEUP AND HAIR DESIGN Arden McNeill

MAKEUP CREW Elizabeth Rawson

PHOTOGRAPHY AND MARKETING Annie Morraye*

SPECIAL THANKS TO…

Janine McCabe

Charlie Calvert

Miles Boinest

Ellen Swick

Anja Kelley

Kasey Beard

The Department of Theatre and Dance

The Sottile Team

The Center Stage Board

THE CAST

THE BOARD

PRESIDENT Croft Stoney

VICE PRESIDENT Joey Kirkman

SECRETARY Bea Lemaster

TREASURER Carsyn Cantey

MARKETING DIRECTOR Annie Morraye

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Andi Schacht

FUNDRAISING CHAIR Zoe Sauder

PROJECT MANAGER Caroline Magee

*Indicates member of the Center Stage Board

THE CALLOUTS

YOUR INSTRUCTIONS:

YOUR lines can be found in BOLD. Follow along and have fun!

Whenever Brad appears, or is introduced in some way the line "Asshole!" is appropriate. 

When Janet is introduced or appears, the line "Slut!" is appropriate. (If this is before she is actually a slut, the response "She's not a slut yet, give her a chance" is appropriate, to be answered by, "We gave her a chance last week and she blew it.") 

Whenever the Narrator appears, the following lines and variants are appropriate: 

"He's got no fucking neck!" "A chicken stepped on this man's forehead" "Your mother should have fucked a giraffe" "Wipe that ass off your chin". 

Dr. Scott may be booed or yell "Kiss Ass!".

THE SCRIPT:

SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE

Michael Rennie was ill 

The Day the Earth Stood Still 

But he told us where we stand.  

And Flash Gordon was there 

In silver underwear,  

Claude Rains was the Invisible Man. 

Then something went wrong 

For Fay Wray and King Kong;  

They got caught in a celluloid jam. 

Then at a deadly pace 

It Came From Outer Space  

And this is how the message ran:

Chorus: Science fiction [sing "ooh ooh ooh"], double feature [sing "Wah wah wah"] 

Doctor X will build a creature. 

See androids fighting Brad and Janet 

Anne Francis stars in 

Forbidden Planet 

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh 

At the late night ["What kind of feature?"], double feature, ["What kind of show?"] picture show. 

I knew Leo G. Carrol 

Was over a barrel 

When Tarantula took to the hills. 

And I really got hot 

When I saw Jeanette Scott 

Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills. 

Dana Andrews said Prunes 

Gave him the runes  

And passing them used lots of skills.  

But When Worlds Collide,  

Said George Powell to his bride, 

"I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills," 

Like a... 

Chorus: Science fiction [sing "ooh ooh ooh"], double feature [sing "Wah wah wah"] 

Doctor X will build a creature. 

See androids fighting Brad and Janet 

Anne Francis stars in  

Forbidden Planet 

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh 

At the late night ["What kind of feature?"], double feature, ["What kind of show?"] picture show. 

I wanna go 

Oh Oh Oh 

To the late night ["What kind of feature?"], double feature, ["What kind of show?"] picture show. 

By RKO,  

Oh Oh Oh 

To the late night ["What kind of feature?"], double feature, ["What kind of show?"] picture show, 

In the back row, 

Oh Oh Oh

To the late night ["What kind of feature?"], double feature, 

["What kind of show?"] picture show. 

[“Why is there a billboard in a cemetery?- It was a grave mistake!”]

I can't believe it. An hour ago she was just plain old 

Betty Monroe and now... now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapshatt. ["Half-shit!"] 

Brad: Yes Janet, Ralph is a lucky guy. 

["No he's not, she's got syph"] 

Janet: Yes. 

Brad: Everyone knows that Betty is a wonderful little cook. ["Yes, and she's a great little fuck, too!"] 

Janet: Yes. 

Brad: Why Ralph himself, he'll be up for a promotion in a year or two. ["If he doesn't get busted!"] 

["Janet, are you a slut?"] 

Janet: Yes. 

["Brad, what do you say when you want to fuck"] 

Brad: Hey Janet. 

Janet: Yes Brad? 

Brad: I've got something to say. 

["Sing it don’t say it- this is a musical!"]

DAMNIT JANET 

Brad and Janet: I love you 

["The man in the next scene has NO FUCKING NECK"]

Narrator: I would like, ["You would, would you?"] 

ah, if I may, ["You may..."] ...to take you on a 

strange journey. ["How strange was it?"] 

It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors ["asshole"] and his fiancee Janet Weiss ["slut"], two young, ordinary healthy kids left Denton that late November evening, to visit a Dr. Everett Scott [“kiss-ass"], ex-tutor, now friend to both of them. ["Is it true that you fuck sheep?"] 

It's true there were dark storm clouds, 

["Describe your balls!"] heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they were driving. ["Is it also true that you fuck hamsters?"] 

It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air ["Like your fucking neck"], but, uh, they being normal kids, [echo “horny”] on a night out... well, they were not going to let a storm spoil the rest of their evening, were they? ["Certainly not."]...On a night out...["Come a little bit closer, Chucky."]...it was a night out they were going to remember... ["For how long?"] for very long time. 

["What a fucking drip"]

Janet: Oh. ...What's the matter, Brad darling? 

["I came on the windshield"] 

Brad: We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back. [“Asshole!”]

["Make a sound like a cow, Brad."] 

Brad: Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back. ["Don't back up!"] (BOOM) 

Janet: Oh! What was that bang? ["A gang bang!"]

Brad: We must have a blowout. DAMMIT! [“Kill that spider!”] I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed. ["Asshole!"] Well, you just stay here, keep warm and I'll go for help. 

Janet: Where will you go in the middle of nowhere? 

Brad: ["Try the castle!"] ...Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? [Cheer] Maybe they have a telephone I could use. ["Castles don't have telephones, asshole!" (repeat when appropriate)] 

Janet: I'm going with you. 

Brad: Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet. ["She's already wet!” “Not yet, give her time!”] 

Janet: I'm coming with you! ["That'll be a first!"] Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman, ["He is!"] and you might never come back again. ["You should be so lucky."] 

Brad: Heh, heh, heh, heh. 

OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE

(Wave your “lights” phones)

Narrator: And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet ["unlike your neck"] and that they had found the assistance that their plight required. ["Are you sure?"] ...Or had they? 

Brad: Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone. 

["Look, it's Scooby Doo on acid! And he's into bondage!"]

["Ding dong, asshole calling, wanna buy some asshole cookies?"]

(doorbell rings, door creaks open) 

["Say hello, Riff" or "Say Jello in Spanish"] 

Riff Raff: Hello. 

Brad: Hi! My name is Brad Majors, ["asshole"] and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss. ["slut"] I wonder if you could help us. You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we might use? 

Riff Raff: ["Look between Janet's legs"] 

You're wet. ["No shit, Sherlock!"] 

["Janet, are you a slut?"] 

Janet: Yes -["Why?"] it's raining. ["You're a slut because it's raining?"] 

["Brad, are you an asshole?"] 

Brad: Yes. 

["Riff, are you on drugs?"] 

Riff Raff: Yes... 

Oh Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this? 

Brad: Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos. ["Yay, rich weirdos"] 

Riff Raff: You've arrived on a very special night. It's one of the master's affairs. ["Which one?"]["Don't say the magic word, Janet"] 

Janet: Oh... lucky him. 

Magenta: You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha ha [echo "the banister's lucky" over "we're all lucky"] 

THE TIME WARP 

Riff Raff:  

It's astounding;  

Time is fleeting; ["What's your favorite rock group?"] 

Madness ["They suck"] takes its toll. ["Fifty cents, please."] 

But listen closely... 

Magenta: Not for very much longer. 

Riff Raff: I've got to  

keep control.  

I remember doing the time warp  

Drinking those moments when 

The blackness would hit me 

Riff & Magenta: And a void would be calling... 

[get up and time warp!] 

Transylvanians: Let's do the time warp again. 

Let's do the time warp again. 

["How's it done?"]…song continues. 

Janet: Brad, say something. (whispered) 

[echo "Say something stupid, asshole"] 

Brad: Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison? ["I did her last week!"] 

SWEET TRANSVESTITE 

Frank: How do you do, I 

See you've met my 

Faithful handyman. 

He's just a little brought down 

Because when you knocked

He thought you were the candyman. 

Don't get strung out by the way I look. 

Don't judge a book by its cover.  

I'm not much of a man by the light of day 

But by night I'm one hell of a lover.  

[cheer, scream, bow down in praise, etc...] 

I'm just a sweet transvestite 

From Transexual, Transylvania. 

Let me show you around  

Maybe play you a sound 

You look like you're both pretty groovy. 

Or if you want something visual 

That's not too abysmal,  

We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.  

Brad: I'm glad we caught you at home, 

Could we use your phone?  

We're both in a bit of a hurry.  

Brad: We'll just say where we are, 

Then go back into the car. [echo "fuck in the car!"] We don't want to be any worry. 

Frank: Well you got caught with a flat, well,how 'bout that? Well, babies, don't you panic. 

By the light of the night it'll all seem alright. 

I'll get you a satanic mechanic.  

I'm just a sweet transvestite 

From Transexual, Transylvania. 

Why don't you stay for the night? 

Riff Raff: Night. 

Frank: Or maybe a bite? 

Columbia: Bite.

Frank: I could show you my favourite obsession. [echo "position"] ["Sex!"] I've been making a man ["You call that a man?"] 

With blonde hair and a tan [echo "With a long dick in his hand"] And he's good for relieving my... ["Sexual!"] ...tension 

I'm just a sweet transvestite 

From Transexual, Transylvania. 

HIT IT, HIT IT! 

I'm just a sweet transvestite 

Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite 

Frank: From Transexual, 

Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania. 

Frank: So come up to the lab,  

And see what's on the slab. 

I see you shiver with antici -- pation. 

But maybe the rain 

Isn't really to blame.  

So I'll remove the cause.  

But not the symptom. 

Brad: It's all right Janet. We'll play along for now and pull out the aces when the time is right. ["Nice Aces!"] 

Brad: Hi, my name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss; ["Brad, spell urinate."] you are... ["Close enough."] 

Columbia: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory. Some people would give their right arm for the privilege. ["Or their left tit!"] 

Brad: People like you maybe. 

Columbia: Ha! I've seen it.

Janet: Is he - Frank I mean - is he your husband? 

Riff Raff: The master is not yet married, nor do I expect he ever will be. We are simply his 

[echo "bottoms”] servants. 

Frank: ["What's your favorite color?"] Magenta, 

["Where do you get your pot?"] Columbia, ["Bad choice"] go assist Riff Raff [echo "Woof Woof" "He needs a blow job, and two heads are better than one."]. 

I will entertain ...uh huh huh... (chuckles) ["the cameraman"] Brad: Brad Majors. [“Asshole!”] And this is my fiancee, Janet "Vice". [“Slut!” “Not yet, give her time!”]

But here. Put these on. ["and take those off"] 

They'll make you feel less ["naked"] vulnerable. ["same thing"] It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer 

them... hospitality [echo "horse brutality"]. 

Brad: Hospitality!? [echo "Horse brutality!?"] 

All we asked was to use your telephone, 

goddammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore. Janet: Brad, don't be ungrateful. 

Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... ["big"] dominant (crowd has flurry of laughs). 

["Check it out, cover it up" as one conventioneer looks closer] You must be awfully proud of him, Janet. 

Janet: ["Janet, are you a slut?"] Yes 

Frank: Do you have any tattoos, Brad? [echo "testicles" over "tattoos"]

["Show him the teddy bear"] 

Brad: Certainly not! 

Frank: ["Ask Janet"] Oh well, how about you. (to Janet) 

["Show him the battleship"] 

Janet: No 

Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master ["bater"]. 

We merely await your word. [echo "sperm."] 

[Hey Frank, when's the orgy and who's invited?"] 

Frank: Tonight, my unconventional conventionists... you are about to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical [echo "bisexual" over "biochemical"] research... and paradise is to be mine...[echo "a garage" over "to be mine"] It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you get a break... whole pieces start to fit into place, ["Like a puzzle?"] not a sign of being...["are you a fool?"] what a fool! The answer was there all the time, it took a small accident to make it happen... ["What was your birth?"] AN ACCIDENT! 

Magenta & Columbia: An accident! 

(Prepare Noisemakers) 

Frank: And that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient, that ["Who gives the best head on Star Trek?"] SPARK that is the breath of life...["Will you fuck everyone in the audience tonight?"] 

Yes, ["Do you know about gay sex?"] I have that knowledge... ["What do you hold between your legs?"] I hold the secret... ["To life?"] to life... ["Itself?"] itself! 

["F"] You see, ["K"], you are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be BORN! 

[echo "blown" over born]

\Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator...["Oscillator? I just met her!"] and step the reactor power input 

THREE MORE POINTS! [echo "THREE MORE TRIANGLES!"] Janet: Oh, Brad! 

["How's your sex life, Brad?"] 

Brad: It's all right, Janet. 

(Use noisemakers as phantoms are clapping) 

THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES 

Frank: Well really. ["No, Frankly."] 

That's no way to behave on your first day out 

. ["Of the closet!"] 

Riff Raff: He's a credit to your genius, master. 

Frank: Yes. 

Magenta: A triumph of your will. 

Frank: Yes. 

Columbia: He's O.K. 

["You blew it bitch."] 

Frank: O.k. ["Kill that roach!"] (smack) ["Get your tits off my tank!"] O.K.! I think we can do better than that. Humph! 

["Ask Ken and Barbie."] 

Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think of him? 

["Lie through your teeth, Janet!"] 

Janet: Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.

["Just one BIG one!"] 

Frank: I didn't make him... FOR YOU! ["yeah, but she gets him anyway"] He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval. 

[clap and bark like a seal] 

I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part I) 

In just seven days [“and six long nights!”]

Columbia: EDDIE! 

HOT PATOOTIE (BLESS MY SOUL)

( After sax solo ) [“EAT SHIT AND DIE”] 

She’d whisper in my ear that she really was mi-ine [Swish, swish swish!]

Hot patootie, bless my soul (clap, clap, clap, clap) 

Frank: One from the vaults. (chuckles) 

I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part II) 

(Frank and Rocky's WEDDING MARCH) 

ACT II 

Narrator: There are those that say that life is an illusion ["like your neck"] and that reality is but a figmen of the imagination. ["Like your neck"] If this is so, then Brad and Janet are quite safe ["with their necks"], ... however, the sudden departure of their host [echo "necks"]...and his ["neck"] creation

...into the seclusion of his somber bridal suite 

Oh! Brad Oh oh oh... Yes, my darling...but what if... 

Frank (Brad): It's all right, Janet, ["I've got a condom."] everything's going to be alright. 

["Don't fuck with the hair"] 

["You know what this movie really needs? A dead cat."] 

Janet: Oh, I hope so, my darling. Oh...Ah...ahh OHHH! Oh it's you! ["We told you not to fuck with the hair!"] ["Wow, a dead cat!"] 

Frank: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it nice... 

Janet: Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with Brad? 

Frank: ["Nothing yet - he's saving the best for last."] Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should? 

Janet: You tricked me...I wouldn't have...I've never..never... ["What about the football team", answer "That was just practice"] 

Frank: Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it? ["It isn't all Brad either!"] I think you really found it quite pleasurable. 

Janet: Oh, stop...I mean help...Brad Brad!..Oh Brad!! 

["He's not down there! He's never been down there."] 

Frank: Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see  you 

like...This! 

Janet: Like this..like how??! Oh, it's your fault...you're to blame ["No, Sue's to blame!"]..Oh...I was saving myself... 

["For what, a rainy day? Look outside, bitch, it's pouring!"] 

Frank: Yes, but I'm sure you're not SPENT yet... 

["Go ahead, spend her, I have change for a nickel."]

Janet: Promise you won't tell Brad? 

(scene change to Brad's room) 

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad darling, it's no good here. He'll destroy us. Brad: Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning. 

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad you're so strong and protective. ["Don't fuck with the hair"] 

["You know what this movie really needs? Another dead cat..."] 

Brad: Ah, ah, ah, oh YOU! 

["Hey, great, another dead cat!] 

Frank: I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice... 

Brad: Why YOU! what have you done with Janet? ["Fucked the shit out  of 

her."] 

Frank: Nothing. Why? Do you think I should? ["Liar!"] 

Brad: You tricked me, I wouldn't have...never never...never... ["Never never? What about the boy scout troops? I heard you were up to six packs a day!"] 

Frank: Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it? ["It's all Brad this time!"] Not even half bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it. 

(Brad starts moaning) 

Frank: Oh... so soft... 

Brad: Stop it...stop it...oh Janet...["Poke him in the eye!"] JANET! ["She's not down there! She's never been down there."] 

Frank: Shhh! Janet's probably asleep by now, do you want her to see 

you... like...this. 

Brad: Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame,[no, Sue's to blame."] I thought it was the real thing! ["It is, only bigger!"] 

Frank: Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn't you? There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure. ["It is in New Jersey"] We've wasted so much time already. Janet needn't know, I won't tell. 

Brad: Well, promise you won't tell... 

Riff Raff: Master, Rocky has broken his chains and vanished. ["POOF"]  The new playmate is loose and somewhere in the castle grounds... [echo "coffee grounds"] Magenta has just released ["her sisters"] the dogs...["and she's leading the pack"] 

Janet: What's happening here? Where's Brad? 

Where's anybody? Oh, if only we hadn't made this journey... ["But you did!"] if only the car hadn't broken down... 

["but it did!"] if only we were amongst friends ["But you're not!"] Or sane persons, ["Two out of three ain't bad"] 

Oh Brad ["oh shit"] 

Oh Brad ["Get butch, bitch!"] what have they done with him... ["nice handle"] 

(she sees him on TV with Frank) 

Oh, Brad, Oh Brad-How could you? ["Yes, Janet, Brad smokes after sex."]  

Narrator: Emotion, [echo "erection" over "emotion"] agitation or  disturbance 

of the mind...Vehement or excited mental state. ["And you can only read about it."] It is also a powerful and irrational master

[echo "mouthwash" over master]... 

and from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on their television monitor ["eager beavers"] there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed, ... its slave. 

Magenta and Columbia: [echo] Tell us about it, Janet. 

TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME 

Janet: I was feeling done in, couldn't win. 

I'd only ever kissed before. 

Columbia: You mean she.. 

Magenta: Uh huh 

Janet: I thought there's no use getting ["Laid!"] 

Into heavy petting 

It only leads to trouble 

And seat wetting. 

Now all I want to know is how to go. 

I've tasted blood and I want more. 

Magenta and Columbia: [“less”] More, [“less”] more, [“less”] more 

Janet: I'll put up no resistance 

I want to go the distance  

I've got an itch to scratch  

I need assistance. 

Toucha toucha toucha touch me 

I want to be dirty 

Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me 

Creature of the night. 

Then if anything grows, while you pose, 

I'll oil you up and rub you down. 

Magenta and Columbia: ["up"] Down, ["up"] down, ["up"] down. ["up"] 

Janet: And that's just one small fraction  

of the main attraction

You need a friendly hand - I need action. 

Toucha toucha toucha touch me 

I want to be dirty 

Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me 

Creature of the night. 

Columbia: Toucha toucha toucha touch me 

Magenta: I want to be dirty. 

Columbia: Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me, 

Magenta: Creature of the night. 

Janet: Toucha toucha toucha touch me, oh, I want to be dirty 

Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me, creature of the night. 

Frank: How did it happen? ["Beats me!"] I understood you were to be watching... 

Riff Raff: I was only away for a minute...["doing what?"] master ["bating"] Frank: Well, see if you can find him on the monitor. 

Riff Raff: Master, master...we have a visitor. 

["It’s the ass-kisser!"] 

Brad: ["What does Captain Kirk say to his chief engineer?"] Hey, Scotty! ["Beam me up, this planet sucks!"] Dr. Everett Scott. 

Riff Raff: You know this earthling ["Watch it, O'Brian!" "Fuck you Curry, I wrote the script"] ...this person? 

Brad: Why yes. He happens to be an old friend of mine. ["Assholes don't have friends, just hemorrhoids."]

Frank: ["Where will he be?"] He'll probably be in... ["In the Zen room?"] in the Zen room. ["Zen go get him!"] ["Even the best houses have roaches." as Dr. Scott finds roach] 

Shall we inquire of him in person? ["No, let's use the 

cripple-contact electro-magnet."] ["Joker...joker...joker!"]

[sing "Ring around the lesbians" as he circles Magenta and Columbia "Fucking tourists"] 

(pause) 

["Shave and a haircut..." or "Hey, Kool-aid!"] 

Brad: Great Scott!

Dr. Scott: Frankenfurter, we meet at last. ["No, we meet at first"] Brad: Dr. Scott! ["Suck my cock"] 

Dr. Scott: Brad! What are you doing here? ["Oh, just fucking around."] 

Frank: Don't play games, Dr. Scott. You know perfectly well what Brad Majors is doing here. It was part of your plan, was it not? That he and his female should check the layout for you. ["Or lay the check-out!"] Well, unfortunately for you, all your plans are to be changed. You must be adaptable, Dr. Scott ["AC/DC"]; I know Brad is. ["You promised you wouldn't tell"] 

Dr. Scott: I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes as a  complete 

surprise to me. ["Didn't you read the script?"] 

I came here to find Eddie. ["Dinner?"] 

(Janet, Riff Raff, and Rocky Enter) 

[break from ‘slut’ ‘asshole’ tradition and echo all following lines] 

Janet: Brad! ["Mouseketeer roll call sound off now!"] 

[echo all following lines] 

Dr. Scott: Janet! 

Janet: Dr. Scott! Brad!

Brad: Janet! 

Janet: Brad! 

Frank: Rocky! ["Ugh!”] 

(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt) 

Dr. Scott: Janet! 

Janet: Dr. Scott! 

Brad: Janet! 

Janet: Brad! 

Frank: Rocky! ["Ugh!"] 

(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt) 

Dr. Scott: Janet! 

Janet: Dr. Scott! 

Brad: Janet! 

Janet: Brad! 

Frank: Rocky! ["Ugh!”] 

(Rocky says nothing, not even a grunt) 

Frank: Listen...["Mr. Potato Head”]...I made you...and I can break you just as easily. 

(to Rocky) 

EDDIE'S TEDDY 

From the day he was born

He was trouble.  [“with a capital ‘T’”]

He was the thorn  [“not the rose, but the thorn”]

In his mother's side.  [“not the back, but the side”]

She tried in vain 

Narrator: ...but he never caused her nothing but pain.

Scott: He left home the day she died 

From the day she was gone  

All he wanted  

Was Rock 'n' Roll porn 

And a motorbike.

Shooting up junk... 

Narrator: He was a low-down cheap little punk [“yay punks!”]

Scott: Taking everyone for a ride [“he never took me!”]…

But he must have been drawn [“with a pencil or a pen?”]

into something making him warn me

in a note which read [“what’s it say? what’s it say?”]

Frank: You’d better believe it, baby!  Brad: You mean… [“a vibrator?”]

Sc0tt: Yes, Brad - it’s something we ourselves have been working on [“a working vibrator?”]

Janet: My feet! I can't move my feet! 

Scott: My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels! [echo "cheeks"] 

Brad: ["My socks! I can't move my socks!"] It's as if we're glued to the spot! 

Frank: (sung) It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind fuck can be nice. 

Scott: You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine. This sonic transducer. It is, I suppose, some kind of audio vibrato-physio-molecular transport device? 

Brad: You mean... ["A vibrator!"] 

Scott: Yes, Brad, it's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time. ["A working vibrator"] 

But it seems our friend here has found 

a means of perfecting it. ["A perfect vibrator"] A device capable of breaking down solid matter 

["A broken vibrator"] and then projecting it through space and, who knows, perhaps even time itself. ["A COSMIC vibrator!"]

Janet: You mean he's going to send us to another planet? PLANET SCHMANET JANET 

Columbia: My God! I can't stand any more of this! ["So siddown!"] First you spurn me for Eddie, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky! ["Sperm sperm sperm"] 

You chew people up and then you spit them out again. ["No, he swallows."] I loved you..["WHAT?"] did you hear 

me? I loved you! And what did it get me? ["A hole in my pajamas."] Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of their love and emotion. ["Peek a boo!"] Yeah, well, I've had enough. You're gonna choose between me and Rocky, so named because of the rocks in his head. (freeze) ["Hefty lefty, lighty righty, better get a chisel!"] 

["Now we know which side Eddy slept on."] 

["A veek from Vednesday, ven else?"] 

[as Riff turns Magenta towards him: "Going, going,..."] 

Frank: Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother Riff Raff. You have both served me well. Loyalty such as yours shall not go unrewarded. You will discover that when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous. [“this was their thirteenth reason”]

Magenta: I ask for nothing...nothing. ["under twelve inches"] 

Frank: And you shall receive it...in abundance! 

["What does Brad want to do??"] Come, we are ready for the floor show! 

Narrator: And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott. But it was to be in a situation which none of them would have possibly foreseen.

And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both tasted ["Frank's cock] 

...forbidden fruit. ["Same thing!"] This in itself was proof that their host was a man of of little morals ["Yay little morals"] ...and some persuasion. ["Gay persuasion"] What 

further indignities were they to be subjected to? ["Oral sex with a hamster."] And what of the floor show that is spoken of? 

["Where do you masturbate?"] In an empty house? 

["When do you masturbate?"] In the middle of the night? ["The rates are cheaper!"] What diabolical plan had seized Frank's crazed imagination? ["The same one that seized your fucking neck."] What indeed? From what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be ["Can we have a picnic?"] no picnic. ["Aw!" (dejectedly), "and I brought the ants."] 

FLOOR SHOW  

ROSE TINT MY WORLD 

DON'T DREAM IT 

Frank: Whatever happened to Fay Wray? 

That delicate, satin-draped frame? 

As it clung to her thigh  

How I started to cry  

'cause I wanted to be dressed just the same. ["But you are!"] 

Song continues… 

Don't dream it, be it. (four times) 

[echo "Don't drink it, we peed in it" each time] 

WILD AND UNTAMED THING 

I'M GOING HOME 

Magenta: How sentimental. ["bitch!"] 

Riff Raff: And also presumptuous of you. ["F"] You see ["K"], when I said  WE

were to return to Transylvania, ["I was speaking bad French"] I referred only to Magenta ["Who's Magenter?"] and myself. I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but you see, you are to remain here, in spirit, [echo "fishnets" over "spirit"] anyway. 

Scott: Great heavens! That's a laser! 

Riff Raff: Yes, Dr. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter. ["Then it's not a laser!"] 

Brad: You mean...you're going to kill him? What's his crime? 

Scott: You saw what became of Eddie. Society must be protected. ["Fuck society!"] 

Riff Raff: Exactly, Dr. Scott. And now, Frank-N-Furter, your time has come. ["Like everyone else in this movie"] 

Say goodbye to all of this, ["Goodbye, all of this"] 

and hello ["Hello"] to oblivion. 

["Hi, oblivion. How's the wife and kids?"] 

["Stand up and take it like a transvestite."] 

["A blink of the eye, a twitch of the lips, the first one to scream gets it right between the tits!"] 

(Columbia screams - gets zapped) 

["Oh shit, it works! It didn't work in rehearsal!"] 

(Frank tries to escape by climbing the curtain) 

["Go under the curtain! Under! Didn't you ever watch Sesame Street?"] 

(Frank screams - gets zapped, falls)